When Life Throws a Curveball,

"I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down."

Earlier today, one of my Facebook friends posted this particular Vine and captioned it 'my life'. If you don't want to click the link and waste six seconds of your life, I'll just tell you this way: a little girl falls off a swing. As she's getting up, the swing comes back and hits her right in the face.

I won't say that that's how my life has been, but I will say that I believe that that's how a curveball feels.

Warning: I'm gonna be pretty transparent today, so if that's not your style, I'd advise you to just click away and go on with your life. I promise I won't be offended.

Don't get me wrong, 2015 has been an amazing year. I've actually had one of the best years of my entire life, and that's something I haven't been able to say for a while. But having an amazing year doesn't mask the difficult few months I've experienced. Friends I've had for years have picked up and moved away, I'm having some medical hurdles that I'm still dealing with today, recurring anxiety at an all time high... it really hasn't been a period I'd put in the history books.  But this has been my curveball: my unexpected, surprising, and disruptive chain of events that makes it seems like I'm stopped in my tracks and chained to concrete.  

For all the good and beautiful things I have in my life, there's also so much sadness.  I've been rejected, told 'no', and received not-so-stellar news so many times this year that it's started to feed the self-doubt and anxiety in the innermost parts of my being that I thought were gone and locked away.  It's made me think... are my friends truly my friends? Do I know who I am? Am I doing the right thing?  

And so, not purposely, I feel myself fading into the walls; my volume has been muted and my presence has become blended into the world. That's not how I should be. If I could compare my personality to anything, it'd be that amazing 64 pack of crayons everyone in your elementary classes were jealous of.  Recently, though, I'm just the gray one. Maybe the blue ones, but mostly the gray one.  I'm ready to be more than gray, though.  I'm slowly painting myself a different array of colors. I prefer that life, anyways.

Sometimes, when we hear things we really don't want to hear, it's not the worst thing in the entire world.  Sure, on top of the other medical conundrums I have to deal with on a daily basis, having a little bit of a memory problem is real scary at 22, but I'm working harder and harder each day to learn why this is happening to me; once I find out, I'm gonna tackle this like I do every problem: prayer, community, and a can of whoopin's.  But first, I can't let all these things consume my entire being.

And about those darn "no's" we hate to hear:  a part of me really likes them.  I definitely get discouraged hearing them, but it helps me strive to get closer to the end goal: one yes.  Pouring your whole heart into something to finally get that yes is the greatest feeling. All those "no's" won't know what they're missing out on.

There was this quote I saw once about curveballs that went like this:  "When life throws a curveball at you, they're not meant to be dodged.  They are meant to hit you, to mold and shape you to become the person you are meant to be.  Enjoy the impact, smile, and move on"  I, personally, don't want balls hitting me and beating me down... that'd just be degrading to myself.  So I'll leave you with this:

When life throws a curveball, swing.  Swing that sucker out of the park.  Show it who's boss and who's got your back.  At the end of the day, a curveball is just a curveball.  There's nothing to be scared of.  Have faith and swing.