When Regret Comes Around,

There's times I sit and wonder how my life would be if I would have done more.  Been more bold and tenacious.  Said more than I did or even did more than I wanted to.  But the bittersweet thing about life is this: I can't go back and change any of that.

Let me tell you one of my many regrets in life; maybe you can relate.

There's a guy I met a little over a year ago that completely stole my heart. He was everything I really wanted: strong in his faith, worked with kids, challenged me in many places of my life, and even liked chicken nuggets (and people who truly know me know that someone who doesn't like chicken nuggets is a deal breaker) just to name a few. We would have long phone conversations about ministry and work. He even wanted to me to submit an application to start working with him. Brad was a person that I was ready to drop everything for... but 8 hours and 55 minutes separated my desires from reality.

You see, in order for me to grasp what I desired, which was a guy and an apprenticeship that I really wasn't promised a job at the end of, I would have had to drop my entire life and move to Charlotte, North Carolina. I did my research, sought council from my friends, prayed A LOT, and even started looking for apartments near the church I would have been working at.  At the end, though, I opted out.  I withdrew my application.  I cancelled my video shoots and Skype interviews.  And sometimes, I regret every moment of it.  I catch myself sharing things from the church or see Brad with his new girlfriend and the thought of me not being where my heart longs to be truly kills me.

But instead of living in the past, I have to learn from my past.

I never told Brad I liked him.  And I'm pretty sure a few other girls have admitted this to him in his time there, as well. I never told Brad anything, actually. I never took that step and fully submitted my applications.  I never got to meet the staff or intern with awesome people.  I never got to live out my dream and work at Elevation... yet.

I gained so much from staying though.  I wouldn't have been able to stay at Starbucks and learn more about my other passion of coffee if I didn't stay.  I wouldn't have met so many new friends if I didn't stay.  I wouldn't have been able to meet my youth kids and have the opportunity to preach if I didn't stay.  Heck... my life would be so different if I didn't stay.

Maybe it'd be a good different, I don't know.  All I know is this:  when regret comes around, brush your shoulders off.  There's probably a reason why you're on this particular path rather than the one you desire.  You may not see it now, but understanding comes with wisdom and experience.  And that's what I strive for in times of regret.

At the end of it all, I didn't really lose much. I gained more than I could ever imagine.  And forget Brad, he's just another guy.  There's someone better out there, anyways... and being patient for that person is something I'll never regret.