One morning, I woke up with a small, red zit on the tip of my nose. Another morning, I woke up to an important missed phone call from my doctor. And another morning... well, waking up to not-so-great news about one of my dear friends.
I feel my work load growing from small piles to surrounding me like a cold blanket filled with paper cuts and steam wand burns. My friend group has slowly dwindled down to maybe a couple friendly faces and my health... that's something we can talk about another time. Being surrounded by all this change and uncertainty has made me feel pretty claustrophobic, if I were completely honest. I'm so used to my life being SO BIG that when everything starts shrinking down (or when I feel like I'm shrinking down), I start to feel negative thoughts. Self-loathing. Incompetence. Failure.
But recently, especially the past few weeks, I have to remind myself of these few things. Maybe they'll help you, too.
- You are a good person. Regardless of what's happening in your life... whether you have one hundred friends or just one. Whether you are getting down on yourself or high in the clouds. Whether your words and actions reflected those of a saint or as the lowest of sinners... you are still a good person. You are still a person who is able to be loved and appreciated. Someone who deserves to be celebrated and supported. Don't let crappy circumstances, people, or emotions sway you into thinking otherwise. Going down the negative path and nit-picking at yourself is not the most constructive path to be on.
- Change is there to mold you into something greater than you ever thought you could be. Imagine the job of a blacksmith. His job is to take iron and turn it into awesome and useful things, weapons being one of the most popular. That blacksmith doesn't just gently place iron in a conventional oven to quietly heat up the iron and give it hugs to turn it into a sword. This guy is putting metal in kilns that can go up to 2,400*F for long periods of time, then smashing it with hammers and bending it to whichever shape he wants. And the end product? Something strong, durable, and resilient. Look at the situations you're in. Are you willing to be bent, shaped, and molded into something greater or are you just going to wait in the fire for everything to melt away?
- It's okay to be alone sometimes. As an extrovert, this is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever said. I get refueled by being around people; it's part of my nature. But for the past couple of months, I've wanted to be by myself. Yes, depression and some panic days did play a part of it, but I wanted to get to know myself, especially after everything that had transpired in the months beforehand. What do I like to do? What are my beliefs? How do I want to handle the circumstances I'm in? Who and what do I want to be influenced by; what influence do I want to be? Who am I without all the people around and what is my true character? It was probably one of the most rejuvenating periods I've experienced. And not many people understood that. But I'm pleading with you... even if it's just for a day or a week. Take some time to get to know yourself. Get away from the noise and distractions and hone in on what's truly important: getting to know and taking care of yourself.
I'll end it with this thought: don't let your circumstances crumble the foundation of who you are. You are a good person. No matter what is happening in your life yesterday, today, tomorrow, or forever... your circumstances do not define your character. Health scares, relapses, and crappy friends don't define you. What defines you is how you define yourself.
When the blacksmith pulls metal out of his 2,400*F kiln, that metal doesn't explode and crumble. It heals, hardens, and strengthens. So get out there and be the strong piece of metal that you are. Walk out into the world with confidence on your sleeve and the strength of a lion roaring in the deepest parts of your soul. If anything, I believe in you.
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