Music Mon(Tues)day,

I know I'm late with Music Monday this week, but forgive me! Here are my three picks of the week!

1.  Get Out - Casey Abrams

I don't know if anyone remembers Casey Abrams from American Idol.  He was the underdog contestant that pretty much played every single instrument in the history of the planet and swept a lot of ladies off their feet with his raspy, soulful voice.  And yes, I was one of the many swept off their feet.  I didn't know that Casey made an album outside of Idol until recently, but when I found it, I was pretty shocked by how awesome it was!  Not that I would expect anything less of Casey, but HOLY CRAP! It has this positive, Jack Johnson-esque vibe to it while keeping light of Casey's quirky, vibrant personality.  Take a listen to one of the singles on Casey's album, then run over to Spotify or iTunes and listen to the whole thing.  I promise it's a great listen... take my word for it!

2.  Ash - Andrew Huang

For those of you who have been following my Music Monday section for a while, you know that I have a soft spot for independent artists.  Andrew is one of the most versatile artists I've had the privilege of listening to and interacting with on social media.  He's done almost every single genre I can think of:  acoustic, rap, dubstep, ska, comedy... he's done a rap in five languages and a song in twenty-six different genres!  Holy talent, huh?!  But anyways, this particular song is part of his newest album, "The Coldest Darkness", and it's a more serious piece.  I've been in love with it since he released it, and I thought I would share the magic of this piece with you guys.

3.  Falling Down - Oasis

I'm a huge fan of 90's music.  Especially Oasis.  If I could place a group of bands in a numerical ordered list of bands that have influenced my adolescent years, Oasis would be number one, then Matchbox 20, then Goo Goo Dolls, then... well, I don't know. But Oasis is number one.  The funny part about this particular song is the fact that I found it on a title sequence of an anime.  It's pretty crazy what songs they use as title sequence songs for dubbed animes, but I'm glad they chose Oasis. It just made my viewing of this particular one ten times more enjoyable.

On Internships and Growing Up,

When you're growing up, it's certain that you will get asked what you want to be when you grow up.  And honestly, I hate that question.  As I'm sitting here tonight, I really don't know what I want to do.  I don't know what I enjoy, what my passions or hobbies are, or even what really gets me out of bed every morning other than the fact that I need to pay my last orthodontics payment in less than 20 days.  It kind of sucks, especially when I'm in an entire room with some of my friends, with their fancy degrees and talking about their upcoming classes.  And then there's me, the girl with the high school diploma and no clue what direction to go next.

There's a part of me that just wants to apply to cool internships and see where it takes me.  New York City, Chicago, Portland, Los Angeles... the possibilities are endless!  There's definitely a couple of internships I've dreamed of landing, but I know they're probably way out of my reach, due to the lack of any college education.

Ever since I met the Buried Life last year and one of the guys pretty much offered me an internship with their documentary, I've been almost obsessed with landing any sort of internship and traveling anywhere.  I feel like there's no purpose for me in Erie anymore, other than working at least five hours a week at Target and build blanket forts in between my dresser and mattress and hide away in it.  I mean, I have my friends and my family (it seems like the majority of them don't get along with my immediate family anyways, so they won't even notice I'm gone), but I'm not in school, I'm not anticipating a boyfriend anytime soon, I've got no kids, and I'm young!  This is a perfect time for me to be traveling and experiencing what this chunk of rock has to offer.

Being a little bit of an Internet buff, one of the main internships I've recently been aiming for is for Philip DeFranco's little project he has going on in the YouTube community.  He's currently running four very successful channels, including his own channel, which has received over 3 million subscribers in the past seven years he's been involved, SourceFed and it's counterpart, SourceFedNERD, and ForHumanPeoples, a clothing company that has also turned into another successful channel.  Overall, Phil has accumulated a community of over four and a half million people, which is pretty insane to think about.  And you know what?  Phil dropped out of college.  He worked hard to get to where he is, from having nothing to pretty much owning a company, a news website, and impacting lives every single day.

I've been watching Phil since he still called himself 'sXePhil' and had a different into to his videos every week in 2009.  I was only 16, but I think Phil sparked interests in me that I've never had before:  politics, world news and history, the occasional celebrity news.  And when it comes to SourceFed and NERD, I'm opening up to more things that I didn't think I would ever be interested in again, including anime, movies, video games, technology, and community.  Plus, I've been messing around with graphic design for a while (which I kinda suck at), and the launch of ForHumanPeoples' "Drawing Board" segment has totally made me a little inspired to start trying to pen down some cool designs for their shirts, and even trying to draw a little better than I do now.

When I found out there were a few young people my age with internships at these places, it really sparked something in me to just keep trying for anything.  Sourcefed is my tip of the mountain, but any cool internship with awesome opportunities would be just as awesome.  I know that since I'm not anyone special, this probably will never happen, but as a young person dreaming to get out of the snowy state she's always known, I'll shoot higher than the moon when it comes to my dreams, and I'm totally okay with shooting higher than I think I can reach.

If Phil actually sees this, that'd be pretty cool.  I think he needs to know that there are people being changed for the better from his story and all the hard work he's put into all his projects the past seven years.  I hope to someday be a part of this growth, but if I cannot, I'm more than content with watching him be successful with the people he loves and appreciates.

Life is all about experiencing cool stuff and being satisfactory with where you're at in life.  So, though I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life, am extremely single, am possibly dying from a disease that I have no idea about, and don't know my passions in life, I at least want to be happy when I essentially 'grow up'.  If happiness is all I get from this life, I think I'll be content, but I at least wanna experience some cool things during the ride.

Why I Probably Won't Be Drinking on my 21st

Today marks three months until my 21st birthday.  And from what I've seen for most of my life, turning 21 is probably one of the momentous birthdays, mostly because you can start drinking... and people seem to love to get a kick out of that!  A lot of people recently have been asking what I'm going to do for my 21st birthday, like what my plans are and their more important question: what will my first drink as a legal adult be?  And my answers?  I'm probably not doing anything, unless some people really want to get together, and it's almost certain that I won't have a drink at all for my birthday.

Now, before I go on, I don't want anyone to think that I'm condoning anyone who drinks.  And if you think my views are based on my religious faith, you are very wrong.  Okay, so anyways...

As a kid, I was surrounded by a negative influence when it comes to drinking.  My dad was a very heavy drinker, taking me to bars every weekend, almost making names like "Bill's" and "Star" second homes to me.  In the past twenty years, he's so dependent on alcohol to live his daily life that if he doesn't consume it, he gets real bad seizures.  Seeing an influence like that pretty much set in stone at a very young age that drinking would not be in my future anytime soon.

In high school, there were a decent amount of kids that would go out and drink after football games or homecoming.  And that's totally normal!  Everyone has their groups in high school that do those things.  But I remember being that one kid who wanted to scream at them and be like, "Guys!  Look what you're going to do to yourself!" and show them a picture of my dad.  As a bullied high school kid with no friends, though, all it would do is paint a bigger target on my back, so I never said a word.

And now, being graduated and out of school, I see the effects alcohol has on former friends.  Some are still pretty normal and I love talking to them, but there are some that I can't even be around anymore.  My family always says that my father was a kind and generous guy, but only when he was sober.  As soon as he had a drink in his hand, he was a completely different person.  It really changes people, and I never really noticed it until I saw it in my friends that I knew for years, being reunited with them for the first time in years and seeing a completely different person.  I imagine it being like being told something completely opposite from what you've always known, like the color green is actually called pink.  (I don't know, I tried thinking of a good analogy but I couldn't think of anything.)  I sometimes get picked on for feeling uncomfortable around people while they're drinking and I think I understand why:  people are different when they drink, and I don't like it.  It's uncomfortable for me, personally, and if drinking is ever involved, I'd rather remove myself from the situation so not only I'm uncomfortable, but they're not uncomfortable with me being uncomfortable, if that makes sense.

Instead of getting wasted and not remembering anything from my 21st birthday, I want to be surrounded by people I like and reflect on the past 365 days I've lived.  Tell stories, laugh, cry, take silly pictures, sing, dance... maybe hold a dog.  It's a miracle I'm even here in the first place.  What's the point of celebrating if you're not going to remember it?  I'm totally cool with celebrating the past 21 years I've been blessed to wake up and walk the Earth with people that appreciate my presence in their lives instead of celebrating the fact that I can hold animals at animal shelters and drink alcohol.

Music Monday,

And here's another edition of Music Monday!  This week is about boys, because I've been single for way too long and found three groups of boys that you might like, musically.  Don't worry, no Justin Bieber or 1D this week!

1.  Try Hard - 5 Seconds of Summer

If you don't know 5 Seconds of Summer, where have you been?!  These four Aussie cuties headlined for One Direction's "Take Me Home" tour and are preparing a full-length album, scheduled to be released this year.  And listening to their few singles online, I can surely say that Luke, Michael, Ashton, and Calum are going to be going places!  And for those of you coming around and are a part of the 5SOSFam, I'm definitely an Ashton girl.  I guess you could say that though they all play guitar, I'm into drummers. ;)

2.  Make Out - Rixton

So, I shamelessly watch "Wild n' Out" on some nights.  And a few nights ago, this real catchy song came on during the credits and it was from this particular band, Rixton.  I searched them up online and they've done a few covers, but their first single is what has got me hooked.  These four Brits, Jake, Charley, Danny, and Lewi, have made a upbeat and summery tune that has been put on repeat since I discovered it.  And the parodies of all the music videos add a special touch (videos stretching from Rihanna's 'Stay' to Miley's iconic 'Wrecking Ball'... it's seriously worth a watch).  They've really deserved their title of MTV's Artist to Watch.  These boys are gonna go places!

3.  Story of my Life - Charlie Puth

Yes, I know it's a cover.  Yes, I know it's really unoriginal to review covers.  But it's my blog and I don't really care.  Now, if you've been keeping up with my Music Monday segment, you know that Charlie is probably one of my favorite independent artists online.  I really like this song on it's own, but the fact that Charlie can strip a song and make it a beautiful piece blows me away every time.  As always, an amazing job from Charlie and definitely go check out his other music!

Live a Little

Here are a few things I'd like to experience in 2014. (Based on a few lists I found in SoulPancake)

1. Eat something that challenges my gag reflexes.
2. Grow something.
3. Stand on the edge of a rooftop.
4. Feed myself for a week with only $7.
5. Stand in the pouring rain.  Get drenched.
6. Buy and play a ukulele.
7. Make a meal of whatever I have in my fridge.
8. Leave flowers at a random doorstep.
9. Next time I get into an argument, let the other person win.
10. Create art with a kid.  Experience the mess.
11. Buy an album based solely on the cover art.
12. Don't use the words "Yes" or "No" for an entire day.
13. Listen to No.1 hits from the year of my birth (1993, for those of you who didn't know).
14. Watch a makeup artist at work.
15. Go to a slam poetry reading (if those things even exist in Erie).
16. Hunt for street art.
17. Go to the planetarium. 

Doing Things for Yourself (aka What I Learned in High School),

Whether you had a great or miserable experience, I bet everyone remembers their high school experience.  I remember being a young, stupid girl in high school.  I was insecure with myself, hardly had any friends until senior year, and practically liked half of my graduating class.  But didn't every girl find the cute boy in health class or the guy that helps push you in a wheelchair for a few days easily crushable at 16?!

But I also remember the segregation I felt.  The bullies.  The comments girls and guys alike made about me.  My teeth were funny.  My hair wasn't dyed right.  I wasn't smart enough to hang out with the AP kids, nor was I dumb enough to hang out with the basic level kids.  My music taste totally wasn't cool enough to hang out with the cool girls.  I wore sweatpants to school one time and three girls called me lazy and poor because of it.  I was too fat for softball or basketball... or any sport, for that matter.  I remember asking a guy to junior prom and he laughed at me in front of everyone.  I just wasn't enough for most of the kids in school.

I just remember wanting to change for everyone, making them like me.  I changed my wardrobe.  I dyed my platinum blonde hair back to my natural hair color and cut most of my hair off in one sitting.  I changed the shows I watched and threw away my Evanescence, MCR, and 90's playlists to exchange them for the likes of Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifa (which is, to this day, one of the biggest things I regret doing).  I took classes I really couldn't handle and tried to apply to as many clubs as I could so that people could find me cool.  

And it actually worked.  I made new friends.  I was involved in school and people knew my name.  Girls started to compliment on my outfits and I even had a boyfriend for a short time.  I played football... and people thought that I was decent.  I injured my knee a week before graduation and so many people gathered around me to motivate me to walk at graduation.  I felt like a star.

And then we graduated.  My graduation party had come around and no one from my graduating class showed up... except one.  I remember getting screamed at by my stepdad, asking why we made a big deal out of my graduation if none of my friends were even going to show up.  And that's when I realized something about high school:

High school is supposed to be used as a tool to learn things about what you may experience outside of your sacred fortress, not be a battle of the social climb.  These 100, 200, 300... hell, 1,000 people you will be walking with at graduation probably won't be in your life after you graduate.  Why spend thirteen years climbing for social attention when all your work is going to render useless in reality?

I graduated with 183 kids.  Out of 183 kids, I talk to two.  One of them I work with, and the other has been my best friend since middle school.  People grow up and grow apart... it's a way of life.  And that's okay!  There's nothing wrong with it.  However, what is wrong is when kids focus their life on climbing the social ladder and impressing everyone.

I dealt with it for years.  Almost a year after high school, I saved a ton of money and I got my braces thrown in.  Sure, I won't see 99% of my graduating class until 2016, but when I made the appointment, I remember telling myself that this was going to show all the kids that picked on me for all those years that I was actually a pretty girl that could do cool things and that they missed out.  Even then, I was still doing things for other people and never seeing the most important person I should be impressing... and that's myself.  It's important to remember that people come and go.  Others are more than comfortable with walking away from each other, but at the end of the day, can you walk away from yourself?

So today, I bought my first pair of sweatpants in five years (they've got pockets!), put on my glasses, threw my hair in a bun, and wiped off my makeup.  I'm lounging in my bed, listening to a John Mayer album and planning a day to build a blanket fort so I can read in it.  I'm on Pinterest as I write this looking for healthy recipes so I can start properly losing weight.  And tomorrow, I'm gonna cook a lot.  Because I don't care.  I'll go ahead and take a picture of my chicken stir fry and no one will complain.  And besides, if they do, they're just jealous that they can't have my delicious stir fry in the first place.

The people who matter won't mind silly, minute things about you... like wearing a pair of sweatpants, gaining a few pounds, or the kind of music on your iPod.  Those who mind won't matter.  Surround yourself with people who genuinely like you and do cool stuff with them.  It's more beneficial to your life than surrounding yourself with people that make you force yourself to change who you are, even after you'll never see them.

At the end of the day, I sometimes regret changing myself for these people.  My hair, my clothes, even my braces sometimes.  But because of them, I've become a stronger and better person.  I remember a girl asking me what I would change if I could go back... change the fact that I was bullied; change people's minds so they would come to my graduation party?  Getting my braces?  And I told her no.  I wouldn't change a thing.  All these experiences have made me the person I am, which I find myself to be a very caring person who's always open for conversation and laughter.  I wouldn't be Carly Miller without the things I experienced in high school.  So to all the girls who bullied me, the guys who turned me down because of my buck teeth, that girl who hid my clothes in the locker room, the boys that called me fat every day junior year, and countless others... thank you.  Because of you, I'm showing the best person I've ever been to the best people I've ever surrounded myself with.  And I'm totally okay with that.

There's Always Time to Build a Fort,

So recently, I went on the hunt for a very popular book by the ever fabulous Rainn Wilson.  And finally, after checking four websites and two bookstores, I got my hands on SoulPancake, a book chock full of 'life's biggest questions'.  So, for a little while anyway, I decided to place some of my answers to the many questions that are stuffed in this book... starting with this one.

List five things you can learn from a five-year-old.

Whether you like kids or not, it's pretty obvious that being around them makes you learn a few things.  I have three nieces, one's almost 11, one's 9, and one's 5 (I think...), and every time I see them, they always teach me something.  It must be their innocence; the only things they have to worry about are whether it'll be too cold for recess and what Mom is cooking for dinner.  And though the majority of the traffic on my blog is adults and older teenagers, I think we can all agree that sometimes, going back to that mindset of 'hakuna matata' is pretty liberating and relaxing for the mind.  It's time we take a break from all the craziness of adulthood for a few minutes and just think:  what can I do to live a happier life?  I asked myself this exact thing earlier today and this is what I thought of:

1. Be spontaneous.  Live like every day is your birthday.  Take a different route to work.  Try different, exotic foods.  Go to a coffee shop you don't go to that often... heck, my Starbucks worshippers should try sitting in a Dunkin Donuts for a day.  Go watch a movie by yourself or gather up a group of friends and go on a mini adventure.  Build a blanket fort in your room and read books under it, or... I don't know, jump off a bridge and into a lake.  But a small bridge, because I love you too much for you to jump off a big bridge and hurt yourself.  Do things that you'll look back on and, whether they be exciting or not, will be worth telling a story when you're older... even if it is stepping out of your comfort zone and sitting in a Dunkin Donuts.
2. Do your own thing and always have the courage to be yourself.  Don't worry if people aren't into it!  I've learned from a real young age that you cannot impress everyone.  Not everyone is going to like shonin anime, share a matching 'Troy and Abed in the Morning' mug with you, understand your Doctor Who references, rap about pizza queens, or gawk at the perfection that is the cast of Teen Wolf's abs (confession... I'm talking about me).  Don't let other people stop you from liking things!  If you wanna dye your hair blue one day and wear a t-shirt plastered with cats, you go for it.
3. Be open about your feelings.  Even if it has to resort to miming them.  It's important to talk and communicate with those you care about.  When you keep all that junk inside, you just turn into this ugly, moldy pizza left in the fridge for a few weeks.  Now who wants to eat a moldy pizza?  People will still tolerate and love you, because you're pizza, but they definitely won't try to take a bite out of you!  You should strive to be a happy, fresh pizza!  Everyone loves a fresh pizza!
4. Dance like people are watching.  You deserve an audience.  And never, EVER go to a wedding without a few good moves up your sleeve.
5. Be a star.  Well...

And these aren't all the things we've learned from kids.  There's so many, I can't even count.  So I guess that's something I think you should ponder on today.  What can I learn from the younger generation that'll help me live a happier life?  Sometimes, it takes getting down to a child's level to see the simplicity of life.  We just have to take that initiative to get down there.

Music Monday,

Ayy I'm back for another music Monday!  I know not a lot of people read these or are concerned with what I'm listening to, but I really like doing these!  Here's three songs I'm really into this week!

1. RVRB - Lost in the Wild

So, because I've been cooped up in my house for almost a month, I thought I'd check on some of the artists I used to listen to in high school and see if they were still producing music.  My journey got me to my high school crush, Cameron Mitchell.  And damn, he's better than ever.  He and his BFF, Jake Morrison, put this song out about four months ago and I'm so sad I found it so late because it's been my jam for the past 48 hours.  If you haven't heard of RVRB or even Cameron (have you been living under a rock?), then this is a great place to start. I promise you'll be hooked.

2.  Koopa Fields - Heaven on Earth

I've been watching Koopa Fields on YouNow for a while, and recently he won a Folger's contest, won a ton of money, and locked himself away for a while to make music.  And what's come out of that hiatus has been remarkable.  Koop has done a fantastic job with his new single, which was released on New Year's Day, and I'm excited to see what else he has in store. (It wouldn't let me post his video, so hey, get his classic Stones... here's the link to HonE though! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk-QA0qsePg)

3.  Joey Gatto - Let Me Touch Your Butt

Wow.  Just... what a masterpiece.  And that dancing was on point.  Bravo, Joey Gatto.  Bravo.

Oh by the way you guys owe me dates lil nig get that going okay?

Your Top Five,

So, for those of you that know my internet usage, I'm on a lot.  And one of the things I'm on a lot is Twitter.  I follow a lot of different people, from YouTubers to TV stars and interesting regulars.  Now, one of the people I follow, Michael Fjordbak (if you don't know who he is, get acquainted before his career blows up... a very talented and nice guy!) posted this today and it inspired me to write this.

A lot of us are going through tough times.  And when you are going through these tough times, the most important thing is to find a person or people that are going to be available to you so you can talk and express your feelings.  People that, even if you don't need advice, will be available to sit and listen.

As a Christian, I have a strong belief that the Lord has blessed me with the gift of listening.  I may not be able to string the right words into sentences properly, but my young brain is like a treasure chest full of many of my friends' struggles and secrets.  And that's okay!  I'm so glad they see me as a person they can spill their junk on and hopefully, what I say helps them in their journey.

Do you remember those old T-Mobile commercials where they would talk about establishing your 'top five' contacts?  Well, that's my advice to you: find your top five.  Find those people that you'll be comfortable talking to, no matter the time or the situation.  Find those people that'll just sit and listen.  Because when times get tough, your heart gets heavy, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's isn't helping, the most important thing to have is a community of friends that'll pick you up, dust you off, and even share that pint of Ben and Jerry's so you don't suffer from a tummy ache all alone.