A Promise to my Future Husband,

So... remember my last blog post that said I wouldn't take two or three months to write again?  Well, it's been six months.  A lot has happened in that period, but we'll save that for another time. It's definitely a wild ride!

The Lord has really been convicting me of this form of media, and after a few conversations sparked it last night, I thought I'd write all about it.

Ladies, I bet you've had some of these thoughts:  I wish I had a man that could kiss me the way Noah Calhoun does with Allie Hamilton.  I would love to have a man as charismatic and protective as Augustus Waters.  Can I be blessed with someone who can dance like Johnny Castle?

I'm sure the questions are brewing and those gears in your heads, ladies and gents both, are starting to turn.  The romance genre?  All girls like romance!  It's all we talk about!

For some women, that's very true.  I love myself a feel-good book that gives me butterflies in my stomach every time I read it (I'll read The Fault in our Stars ten times over any day and shamelessly cried while watching the movie alone as my roommates were having dates with their boyfriends), or a movie that will give me the same feeling of euphoria and giddiness each time I watch a kiss in the rain or a sensual ballroom dance. But it's time to be honest: each time I watch a movie or read a book with these certain things, I feel that I start building expectations on men, especially those I find interest in.  As silly as it sounds, I have started calling these outlets of media "emotional porn".  Let me explain.

In personal experience, when I have one of those weeks where all I want is a companion in my life and spiral in this never-ending hole of romance films, there starts to form this foundation of expectation with every little detail of men that I meet. And since these men in these outlets are fictional, it puts an unachievable expectation on any man I come in contact with.  And for guys that are dragged into their theaters and living rooms to watch these movies with their significant others, it puts an expectation on them. Questions of doubt start to form: Am I doing all I can to satisfy her? Will she love me if I do _____? What will happen if I don't?

Sorry, ladies: your future husband probably isn't going to have chiseled abs that can destroy boulders or a smile that'll cure world hunger.  He's going to be an average man. He's going to make mistakes. He might not know what to do when you're on your period or know exactly what to do every time you have a bad day. He's going to probably have a mole on his butt and burn some bacon in your time together. But the coolest thing about relationships is the fact that the two of you will experience life together... the ups and downs, the growth, the plateaus, when times seem tough and when times are fantastic.  As a couple, you stand strong and unified. And that's nothing they can depict in a two-hour film or 200 pages in a book.

And gentlemen, here's something from lady to dude:  I get it.  Everyone talks about how women feel like they have a standard to meet and they don't feel beautiful or needed until a man comes in their lives and says it themselves.  But I get it. You have an unmeetable standard, as well. You have to be the breadwinner.  Know about cars and hunt and cook on grills. Shoot guns. Manly things. Have that chiseled body, straight teeth, muscles on top of muscles. Have a tough exterior but a soft inside... like a Milky Way candy bar. I get it. I finally get it. There is an insane standard placed on you, as well. And for both sides of the spectrum, it's unfair for the both of us.

Like Jesus makes a covenant with us, marriage is just that: a covenant. A promise. A binding commitment. And though it may be a while before I find that "one", I want to be able to write him a solid, God-based promise. So...

Hello, future husband.

I don't know you, and you surely don't know me. Maybe we talk daily, I make your coffee at Starbucks sometimes, we're passing strangers in this huge city, or you're on the other side of the country and I've never seen your face. I don't know. God works in mysterious ways, so you could be anywhere at this very moment. And that's so cool for me to think about. Us finding each other is already an adventure!

I don't seek for you to meet nit-picky standards. I don't seek for you to be of visual or mental competence. I seek for you to be the one the Lord has made for me. Like two puzzle pieces perfectly fitting together. But I do hope you are strong in your faith.  That each step you take and every word you speak is of the Lord. When you wake up in the morning and when you hit your bed to sleep for the night, I hope you worship Him for all the amazing things He's already done in your life and for the things He will do in and through you. You are God's prized creation, and I hope to know you someday so I can see the amazing transformation He has made in you.

I know we are not going to be perfect. We are going to have our struggles. I'm going to have habits that you don't like; you're going to have habits that I'm not going to like. We're going to go through dark times and will have times where we'll want to take a break from it all. But I know that, with the Lord at the center of our relationship, we will conquer anything the enemy throws at us.

Please know that I pray for you. Every single day, I pray for you. I praise your successes and, from a distance, ask for comfort and support in your struggles. I pray that God brings us together in His timing and that nothing is rushed. Every detail in our relationship is mapped out, and I am committed to following that path to the last step.

I promise to not put an unachievable expectation on you. You're probably not going to be able to dance like Johnny Castle. Or leave presents on my doorstep every morning. You probably won't have a cliche million dollar smile. There are things about you will gross me out. Maybe you'll have uncontrollable gas, I don't know. But I promise to never compare you to fiction. I will never tell you that what you're doing is sub par and what someone on the other side of a television screen is doing is more worthy of my time and energy. You're not a fantasy, you will be my reality. What you're doing is enough. What you're already doing is enough. You will find ways to show your love to me, and I will find ways to show love to you. That will speak more volumes that taking me outside every time it rains and seeing what happens.

I promise to be someone you can laugh with.  When goodness comes in our midst, when celebration is at hand, I promise to laugh with you. And when things aren't going too hot, I hope we will find things to laugh about. If anything, we can find a weird video on the Internet and we can laugh at how weird my cackles are. I've been told it's pretty funny.

I promise to be someone you can lean on. When you're feeling like the world is crumbling all around you, I hope the Lord can use me to show you that there's still hope. Look up Joshua 1:9... that scripture is for those times when we feel overwhelmed or out of control. God's got you in His hand... you're covered! You can do this!  And if you're going through something now, you've got this! I believe in you.

I promise to be there when your past comes to haunt you. In John 10, Jesus talks about how the enemy comes to seek and destroy all that is good in our lives, and all those demons are real good at using our pasts to make us stumble. I hope to be able to encourage you and pray with you through that time. You are a conquerer!  As a result, Romans 8:18 says this:  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Hold fast, the glory is coming!

I promise to shut up sometimes. Even if you need to force me to. God is showing me that I talk way too much sometimes, and I'm learning that the best conversations happen when I'm quiet and just listen. That's when He can work through me! Through my silence, I hope the Holy Spirit can invade my thoughts and let me speak what you need to hear, in good times and bad.

I promise to be someone you learn from and with.  When we meet, you and I are going to have such little knowledge of God and all He has done and will do with our lives. My hope is that we can do things together, and not just the fun and exciting things. I'm hoping we can pray about anything together, study, talk, and be open about our questions. Life is just a never-ending classroom, and I hope that, at the end of our lives, we can both come out as valedictorian.

And lastly, I promise to make you second place.  That's right. You will not be first place. And I hope I'm not your first place. I hope you love God so much that He has overtaken this huge mass in your heart, that He has manifested himself into every fiber of your being. So much so, that it would be forever impossible for me to one-up Him. I hope you understand and can follow suit.

I hope to be able to meet you soon. For awesome conversation and fun hangouts. For hugs and dancing. For tears and sorrow. I can't wait to experience life and all of God's glory with you.

♥

On the Friend Zone,

Now, I'm no expert in dating.  I've been a single gal for over six years, so I'm more familiar with being single than the concept of being in a relationship.  In fact, romantic relationships in general are an unknown to me.  But a reoccurring conversation I keep having with some of my guy friends and a guy I had rejected have made this post what it is.

The friend zone.  Oh, the dreaded friend zone. We all feel like we've been in the friend zone at least once in our lives.  And if you don't know the feeling, I'll define it like this:  you have feelings for someone, but they don't see it the way you do. And there's this myth going around that nice people get put in this said friend zone, simply for being nice.  But that's not the case at all.  Friends get put in the friend zone because they're being, wait for it... friendly.

I had a conversation with one of my guy friends recently.  After months of us being friends, he throws the bomb on me that he had feelings for me and wondered why I didn't respond to his advances.  The only thing I could really even say was, "Well, I thought you were just being nice."  Holding doors, grabbing my jacket, having a casual conversation, like you do with anyone else, doesn't show someone you have a special interest in them.

And that's what I had to realize about my own actions.  I come across as a generally friendly person (I hope), and if I like someone, it sometimes is shaded by the fact that I act the same way to everyone, so they assume I'm being friendly with them.  Sure, I get angry, but at the end of it, I just gained another cool friend! Isn't that something to celebrate, rather than get angry about?

I know this is a really weird topic for a single lady to talk about, since people my age are always talking about how terrible their singleness is and how people always push them to the side.  But I'm gonna be sort of brutally honest, and this is something I had to learn in the many years I've been looking for my Prince Charming:  nobody owes you anything for being nice, and the people you have interest in don't, either.  In this life, we're supposed to be nice to people.  You don't get a cookie or an award for doing stuff that you should be doing anyway.  So that means these few things:

1. If you express your feelings to someone and they don't have the same mindset as you, respect it.
2. Don't pressure your love interest on a date to 'change their mind'. All that's going to do is push you further away from them.
3. And don't spam their social media or personal numbers either with date advances. You'll be digging yourself into an even deeper hole than before.
4. Don't question it. No one can control their feelings, so asking someone "what's wrong with me that you can't give me a chance" is one of those unanswerable questions, unless you're willing to bury yourself in said hole.
5. Still stay connected with them. To that other person, your friendship means something to them.  Your heart may be broken, but is it really worth cutting off a friendship?

I've had interest in many guys during this single time.  Musicians, guys in my church groups, businessmen, football players, filmmakers, a guy in the Navy, a radio DJ in San Antonio, and one of the regulars I used to serve at Starbucks.  And though none of these guys have ever returned my feelings, I've grown to have so many new and cool friends that can get things that're too high for me to reach, open pickle jars, and have my back when we go out.  I've learned to realize that I appreciate those things way more than having a boyfriend.  If a man comes in my life that is willing to be a part of my life and I feel the same about him, I will welcome him with open arms and an even more open heart.  But until then, I'm being shown what a Godly man looks like, and that's way more than I can ask for.

Instead of getting angry at being 'friend zone'd, be grateful.  Maybe that person wasn't for you.  Maybe you weren't for them.  But be grateful that you have a new connection made in the infinite connections we are blessed to have.  It doesn't seem like it now, but it'll be worthwhile in the end.

Seeing Jesus at Target,

I work in retail, and for those of you who work in places that have to do with last-minute Christmas shoppers, you know how most people are at this time:  frantic, angry, depressed.  I've had people scream and curse at me over toys from as expensive as a Zoomer dog to as cheap as a common game of Candyland.  I've had people say their Christmas was ruined because their coffee was too hot or had too much hazelnut syrup in it. I've had people call me rude names because the wait time at the registers is way too long.  People have been very angry and mean this year over simple things, and it really has put a damper on my "Christmas spirit".

But when I thought my Christmas spirit was actually put to bed, kindness came out of the woodwork.  Compassion.  Love.

I watched small children put away their Pokemon cards and dig through their tiny pockets for all their birthday money to help a single mother buy the rest of her groceries.  I watched a woman leave $20 for a young couple so they didn't have to worry about buying their coffee and lunch for the day.  I heard stories of a kind man buying a $30 gift card so a grandmother could finish buying all the toys she needed for her grandchildren.  A gentleman even helped me carry a heavy box to a woman, then took it out to her car, all because "this is what the spirit of Christmas is all about".

And I believe this is what the spirit of Christmas is all about.  Not presents.  Not who got the better game console or who got the bigger TV.  Christmas is all about loving others.  Helping each other when we struggle and being a light to those who can't seem to see it.

Be Jesus.  And if you don't believe in Jesus, that's fine.  Be a positive light this Christmas.

A Short Post About Love,

Sometimes, I feel like love has become superficial. One sided. Critical. Love is not something that can be thrown around like a ratty rag doll that should go to waste. Love isn't achieved when reaching a finish line or checking off all the opposite person's requirements.

Love is when you accept someone with all their imperfections, stupidities, and ugly points, and still see their perfection whilst knowing of their imperfections.

Loving with the Eyes vs. Loving with the Heart,

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." ~Helen Keller

This morning, I got to talking to one of the many girls I meet on a weekly basis at the local young adults ministry I attend.  She always messages me on Facebook, and though most people find it annoying to get the same "Hello" every other hour, I'm happy to know that she finds me as a good friend and is comfortable with doing that.  Our conversation ended up being about one of her pictures of her and a young man that I thought was her boyfriend, though, and then she said this:  Tell me what he looks like.  This girl, though blind, has had this young man as her boyfriend for almost two years (I found this after creeping on her Facebook a little bit... don't judge! You do it too!) and doesn't even know what he looks like!

When we find a person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with, it seems like we have a checklist of things that that person has to meet or else they aren't fit.  And sometimes, though not of personality traits, they turn into those superficial things we want:  blonde or brunette.  Brown eyes or blue eyes.  Short or tall.  They're things that we see visually that we find pleasing.  And though those things are important, shouldn't we focus on who that person is rather than how they look?  I mean, I'd rather date a radish that clicked with my personality than a super hot, Jake Gyllenhaal-esque Norse God from the Heavens and him end up being a cowsack of suck.

I have a friend that means a lot to me that asked me once to help him "find a girlfriend".  Eventually, he opened up to me as to what he wanted in this said girlfriend.  Here's a few that I remember:  short, smart, athletic, Christian, stable relationships with her family and friends, no daddy issues, and she HAS to be pretty... just to name a few.  Talk about huge checklist of things these girls are going to have to compete with.  And yes, he's a great guy, but what a list!  As wonderful as he is, I don't think any girl reading this right now could check every single one of these things off their list.  If he keeps being this picky, how will he know if someone he could have a connection with passes him by?  And the answer?  He won't.  Why?

I believe sometimes, when showing someone love or even showing interest in someone, we should love with the heart, not with our eyes.  Our eyes can sometimes be deceiving.  Though someone may have a pretty face, they might not have the most beautiful of hearts.  Once we can see the true goodness in people with our hearts, I think even the pickiest of people can find love in everyone.

The eyes were meant for sight, but the heart was made for love.