Fear,

"Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here." ~Marianne Williamson

When I was younger, I was always taught to be fearless.  Carly, don't be scared of the snake in the bushes.  Don't be scared of falling off your bike.  Don't be scared of the old man across the street.  You'll be okay.

In school, when I was starting to get bullied by all the kids in some of my classes, my teachers would pull me aside and tell me, Carly, don't be scared of these bullies.  They can't hurt you.  You'll be okay.

The day before graduation, my criminal justice teacher, who became a huge mentor for me in high school, told me, Carly, don't be scared of what happens next.  Be excited! I know you'll be okay.

But this one is different.  Being told that your body is doing things that not even your doctors understand, that there's something floating in your blood stream and your uterus and ovaries and heart and bones and there's no way to get it out is probably the scariest thing to ever experience.  And the worst part?  They don't tell you you'll be okay.  They tell you you're going to die.  If not from Type 2 diabetes, then blood cancer, or ovarian cancer, or uterine cancer, or your body fighting the medicine that's trying to help you get better and making me blow up like a little fat bag and dying as a fat, disgusting lard.  I am a ticking time bomb.  I don't know when something else is going to go wrong.  I'm scared out of my mind and I've never been this scared in my entire life.