My Buddies Stein and Leventhal,

"When something bad happens, you have three choices:  you can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you." ~Anonymous

So if you haven't heard (heard the word), I've got two buddies named Stein and Leventhal. Stein and Leventhal have been with me for a few years now... let's just say October of 2009. So these two goons have been up my butt for about four years now, which is crazy to think about.  They've been with me through hook ups and break ups, school essays and reports, graduations, interviews, and college enrollments. They've been a part of my life for a very long time, and I can't really remember high school without them.

Now I know Stein and Leventhal seem like great guys, but they really aren't.  They cause me a lot of pain and sadness every single day, despite always being around.  Because of them, a lot of things in my life have been affected, like my appearance, menstrual cycle, hormones, and ability to have children. I want little munchkins in the next ten years or so, but Stein and Leventhal have said, "Carly, we don't want that for you! We want to be the only things you are concerned about! Why have children when you have us?! And you can also be fat and ugly and alone for the rest of your life while we laugh at everything you're insecure about! Yay!"  How about I get the cute kiddos and they can go away.  Maybe I'd be a little happier.

And with Stein and Leventhal around, my ovaries are even taking a beating! Instead of fully forming and having a period, my ovaries are just turning into little cyst bags or something like that. I bet at this very moment, you're imagining a beautiful picture of two cyst bags in my uterus. So cute.

There are only two things that really bother me about this relationship I have with Stein and Leventhal.

1. I don't know when they showed up.
2. I don't think they'll ever leave.

I can't just find some Harry Potter-like invisibility cloak to throw over these nuisances. I can't buy two one-way tickets to Nigeria for them so that they never come back. When I was told that they were gonna be hanging around for a while, I was distraught. This is something I wouldn't wish on anybody.  But with the help of my true friends, family, and my team of Stein-Leventhal exterminators, I can at least put a blanket over their heads for a while and pretend they're not there.

Today will be the start of my fourth year with Stein and Leventhal at my side. This year, I don't want them to beat me. I want to beat them. They may win the fights, but I will win the war.