On Lifestyle Changes and Lasting Longer Than 7 Days,

For those of you that know me personally, you know that I'm one of those people that quits easily and very fast.  If I mess up on a dance routine or a song I'm trying to play on my keyboard, I don't feel guilty throwing my keyboard back in the closet or hanging up my dancing shoes.  It's always been how I am, and I really don't know why.  But this time, things are different.

As of Saturday, I can proudly say that I have been living a cleaner, healthier lifestyle for 30 days, something I've never been able to say before.  It's kind of nuts to think about, actually.  And sure, I've slipped up a few times (cuz I know my mom is gonna see this and say, "CARLY YOU ATE MY LINDOR TRUFFLES YOU LIE" and I do confess to eating Chinese once), but for the most part, I've been testing out a Paleo-based diet with a bit of chicken and seafood for protein, naan for a little bit of carbs, a little bit of cheese and almond milk for my dairy, and a half-gallon jug of water a day.  I can happily say that I've never felt better.  Sure, I don't look any different and I feel hungry all the time, but those things will change over time.  And last night, while I was trying to find myself some zucchini and spinach at Wal-Mart, I thought that I could share how I'm doing as well as I am to people who may not be doing so well or are easy quitters, like myself.

I know I'm not a doctor, personal trainer, nutritionist, psychologist, or any other profession that has to do with health or how the mind works.  I'm just a girl that works at Target.  But these are just things that have been working really well for me, and maybe they'll work for you too.

So here they are and the answers to my so-called 'success':  how am I going longer than seven days of clean eating and not quitting yet?  And honestly, it's pretty simple.  It's based on these six things:

1. Having my own money and no restrictions on what I can/can't buy.  Pretty simple concept.  I'm working.  I have my own money.  And I work in a store where they now sell all kinds of good things for me.  So, instead of my parents getting mad that I need a $5 bottle of flax seed oil, a half gallon water bottle, and a pair of yoga pants and spending their money, I'm able to get these things and not feel guilty asking anyone for help.
2. Experimenting.  I'm not a huge fan of vegetables.  The only vegetables I used to enjoy were potato chips and fried zucchini and eggplant.  What a food palette, huh?  But, when you're living a healthier life, you have to break out of your normal habits and start trying new things.  Don't start crazy with vegetables you don't like! That's a no-no!  I started with zucchini for three reasons: I really liked fried zucchini, my grandma used to make me zucchini at her house every summer, and I thought it'd be a real great start in my vegetable adventures.  Now, I can seriously say that I know how to make pizza and chips out of zucchini, and they're absolutely fantastic, plus a lot of other things!  And yes, I've already experimented with other veggies too:  broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, tomatoes (shut up I know they're fruit, I still hate them)... and my next experiment?  Spinach.  By golly, pray for me.
3. Pinterest.  Holy crap, can I just get married to Pinterest?  I mean, even I have a secret board of some things I'd want in my wedding, and I've been single since the serpent convinced Adam and Eve to eat the apple off the Tree of Good and Evil.  No matter what you think of Pinterest, type in the words 'healthy recipes' and thousands of delicious meals are on your computer screen or phone, ready to be pinned, read, and tried in your own kitchen.  And that is what I love about it! I don't think of those colorful, delicious recipes by myself... I'm not that smart! Thank you, guy/girl who invented Pinterest. You're my hero.  If you want to find me on Pinterest and follow me, go to http://pinterest.com/WizCarlyfuh.  I'd love for you to join my pinning adventures!
4. Accountability.  This concept is something I've really never had before.  And I know my mom is gonna read this, so I know she's gonna be like, "Excuse me Carly, I was your accountability partner." But do you know how easy it is to skip a workout or eat all the rigatoni in the fridge or buy a couple bags of chips and sneak them all into your room when your accountability partner is at work and not checking up on you?  Well, I'll tell you:  it's so easy that I gained as much weight as a 3-year-old child in one year, along with my various health issues.  And to give you a perspective, an average 3-year-old child weighs at least 40-50 pounds.  You're welcome for the visual.  But back on track now... this year, a group of friends and I are starting a focus group, with workouts, snacks, and a study.  And the best part?  Each of us has an accountability partner.  And we're all each other's accountability partners.  That's absolutely crazy! So I went from having 0 accountability partners to like... 20. Pretty nuts!
5. Taking it slow.  I've been one of those people that makes it their new year's resolution to get thinner.  Every damn year.  And every time, I start way too fast.  I work out for an hour on the Wii.  I take carrots to work.  I try to eat yogurt, even though I hate yogurt.  And because I did things so quickly, my body just didn't have time to get used to the dramatic change.  So it makes me become less motivated... very quickly.  I take a day off after day 5 and all that work I put into myself the past four days becomes a waste of time.  Yoga Lady on Wii complains the next time I go on that she hasn't worked out with me in four months.  The carrots are thrown away and the yogurt forms a moldy film.  Take things slow!  I started out with healthy eating, and have gradually starting putting workouts in my daily routine.  Maybe that'll work for you too!
6. Noting every victory.  Speaking of the focus group, we got these notebooks at the focus group.  We were never given any direction as to what we were supposed to do with them, so I did something on my own:  every day, I try to write at least one healthy thing I did for myself.

       
Whether it's making a healthy meal, packing food for work, taking the long way to get something... anything we may see as small is still considered a victory! When we get into that mindset, it's so much easier to do and conquer new things, because even trying turns into a victory in itself!

But yes, friends.  This is really all that it took for me to start living a better life.  Sure, it's hard.  It's hard to sit in a restaurant with my friends and not be able to order any food there.  It's hard to have waiters look at you funny while you ask for a straw for your 'special snack smoothie'.  It's hard to sit in my own house sometimes and just know that there's 40 (literally) bags of Twizzlers, little Moon Pies, and chocolates in the cabinets of my stepfather's bar.  It's hard after eating to not have more, since I still feel hungry and have to slowly train my stomach and brain about proper portions and limit oily foods.  This entire thing, as someone who suffers from a binge eating disorder, is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  But throughout these trials comes good things.  Learning new things.  Gaining friends and accountability.  Substitutions I never knew I could do (I bet you didn't know that you could make ice cream out of peanut butter and frozen bananas, or that you can substitute your fried buffalo chicken wings with baked buffalo cauliflower!).  And you know, though it's tough right now, at this very moment, I'm willing to stick it out for another month.  Binge eating and PCOS has beaten me before, but this time, I'm not going out without a fight!

Fear,

"Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here." ~Marianne Williamson

When I was younger, I was always taught to be fearless.  Carly, don't be scared of the snake in the bushes.  Don't be scared of falling off your bike.  Don't be scared of the old man across the street.  You'll be okay.

In school, when I was starting to get bullied by all the kids in some of my classes, my teachers would pull me aside and tell me, Carly, don't be scared of these bullies.  They can't hurt you.  You'll be okay.

The day before graduation, my criminal justice teacher, who became a huge mentor for me in high school, told me, Carly, don't be scared of what happens next.  Be excited! I know you'll be okay.

But this one is different.  Being told that your body is doing things that not even your doctors understand, that there's something floating in your blood stream and your uterus and ovaries and heart and bones and there's no way to get it out is probably the scariest thing to ever experience.  And the worst part?  They don't tell you you'll be okay.  They tell you you're going to die.  If not from Type 2 diabetes, then blood cancer, or ovarian cancer, or uterine cancer, or your body fighting the medicine that's trying to help you get better and making me blow up like a little fat bag and dying as a fat, disgusting lard.  I am a ticking time bomb.  I don't know when something else is going to go wrong.  I'm scared out of my mind and I've never been this scared in my entire life.

The Problem With Stein-Leventhal,

"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it so seriously." ~Hunter S. Thompson

So yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment regarding the progress of my Stein-Leventhal.  I'm just gonna come clean with y'all and say that it definitely wasn't the news I was looking for.  I haven't gotten any better since last year, only worse.  But I know that I have an awesome team.  I have a doctor solely specializing in natural treatments and supplements.  I have a primary care physician who's been with me all my life.  I have finally come to realize that there are many people in my life that would back me up in a heartbeat. I've got Jesus Christ, who looks fear in the face and swats it away like it's a little fly.  Stein-Leventhal may have won the fight today, but in the end, I will win the war.  Mark my words.

My Buddies Stein and Leventhal,

"When something bad happens, you have three choices:  you can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you." ~Anonymous

So if you haven't heard (heard the word), I've got two buddies named Stein and Leventhal. Stein and Leventhal have been with me for a few years now... let's just say October of 2009. So these two goons have been up my butt for about four years now, which is crazy to think about.  They've been with me through hook ups and break ups, school essays and reports, graduations, interviews, and college enrollments. They've been a part of my life for a very long time, and I can't really remember high school without them.

Now I know Stein and Leventhal seem like great guys, but they really aren't.  They cause me a lot of pain and sadness every single day, despite always being around.  Because of them, a lot of things in my life have been affected, like my appearance, menstrual cycle, hormones, and ability to have children. I want little munchkins in the next ten years or so, but Stein and Leventhal have said, "Carly, we don't want that for you! We want to be the only things you are concerned about! Why have children when you have us?! And you can also be fat and ugly and alone for the rest of your life while we laugh at everything you're insecure about! Yay!"  How about I get the cute kiddos and they can go away.  Maybe I'd be a little happier.

And with Stein and Leventhal around, my ovaries are even taking a beating! Instead of fully forming and having a period, my ovaries are just turning into little cyst bags or something like that. I bet at this very moment, you're imagining a beautiful picture of two cyst bags in my uterus. So cute.

There are only two things that really bother me about this relationship I have with Stein and Leventhal.

1. I don't know when they showed up.
2. I don't think they'll ever leave.

I can't just find some Harry Potter-like invisibility cloak to throw over these nuisances. I can't buy two one-way tickets to Nigeria for them so that they never come back. When I was told that they were gonna be hanging around for a while, I was distraught. This is something I wouldn't wish on anybody.  But with the help of my true friends, family, and my team of Stein-Leventhal exterminators, I can at least put a blanket over their heads for a while and pretend they're not there.

Today will be the start of my fourth year with Stein and Leventhal at my side. This year, I don't want them to beat me. I want to beat them. They may win the fights, but I will win the war.